A Change in Direction

Yesterday was an interesting day at our co-op.  It was the beginning of the end, and yet in some ways it was also the best day ever.

This has been our first year in a co-op.  In previous years we had been too involved with therapies and simply getting my feet under me as a homeschool mom to even seriously consider such a possibility.  Besides, I didn't want to give up our time to go and help teach even more kids and have to plan for that in addition to planning for our own homeschool.  It just sounded too intimidating.

But last winter, God began working in my heart to make some changes.  I began to feel that rather than continuing with Ben's 8 hour a week ABA program, we should look at a co-op for the fall.  I began to believe that being surrounded by "typical" children and doing a few hours of school in a classroom setting would benefit him more than the one-on-one he was receiving.  He was ready for this step.

We visited two co-ops because that is all we could find at the time.  The first one we visited scared Ben at times, but he had caring teachers who helped him through the day.  After all, this was his first time in a new classroom setting in several years.  While he attends Sunday School, every year as he moved up, the same children went with him, so this was the first totally new group setting he had experienced in years.

As soon as we left that co-op, I felt it was the one we were to join, but we still had another visit scheduled with the other co-op.  Plus, the one we had just visited was full, and had a waiting list.

After visiting the second co-op, I was even more convinced that God was leading us to the first one, so I sent in my paperwork and joined the waitlist for the upcoming year.  About a month later, I inquired about our spot on the waitlist and was told that since someone else with 3 children the same grades as ours had dropped the very day I inquired, the leader would take that as a sign from God that we were in.

Over the summer, I became excited as I saw emails about what subjects the kids would be studying.  But then it was changing and by the time we had our first meeting, there had been many changes as many families had decided after committing to the year that God was actually leading them in a different direction.  The numbers were down and some classes still needed teachers.  I was told this was a first for this strong, well-led co-op.

As this year has gone on, families continued to drop out, one-by-one, and sometimes multiple families in one week dropped.  Moms were often being called upon to fill in and it was difficult for this new mom to make connections with the constant changes that were going on.

I, too, began considering leaving the co-op.  But it was not a clear cut decision.  For one thing, Ben was thriving in the setting.  While he still will not ask for help from a strange teacher when he doesn't understand something, the numbers were such that teachers would take note of his needs and offer assistance.  And he was volunteering answers to questions that were asked of the group.  It was amazing watching him speak up without it being something scripted.  And Matthew was getting a chance to learn and play with boys his age and he was loving that.  Oddly enough, my social butterfly, Joy, was struggling the most at fitting in and finding her place.

The reasons I was considering leaving was the burden it was becoming whenever a mom stayed home with sick children or went on vacation, and it was discouraging to see so many moms dropping out.   And with the exception of the moms I was talking with 2 weeks ago, every single time I began to get to know a mom, she dropped out.  But God brought me to the co-op and He had not yet given me clear leading to leave it either.

Well, yesterday, the decision was made for me.  We have two more weeks of co-op classes, then after a big field trip and a party, our co-op will be no more.  To some extent, I felt relieved to not have to make a decision and to have stuck with my commitment.  But I also felt sad because I finally felt like I was connecting with some of the other moms.  And I felt confused...why had God brought me to a co-op that He knew would not survive the year.  But I think He also answered that very question for me yesterday and the time before in the conversations that were had by the moms around a conference table.

Many of the moms in that co-op have adopted some of the children in their families.  And there is even at least one mom who is an adoptee.  And Roger and I have been praying about and considering what our role is to be regarding orphans in this world.  Are we to adopt?  Are we to foster?  Or is His plan that we support those who are called to the front lines of this ministry area?

While I have known people who have adopted, never before have I been surrounded by it the way I have felt these last two times we have been at co-op.  Never before have I had the opportunity to have such an open and honest conversation about adoption and the blessings that come through it.

While I still don't know exactly what this means for our family, I have met some moms who feel the same burden that we feel, people who will pray for us as we seek God's guidance and wisdom and people I can contact when and if we have questions.  So, while this co-op experience was only to be a brief season for us, it will undoubtedly have a bigger impact than I ever could have anticipated when we went for that first visit last spring.

Thank you to God who kept it afloat for these past few months, and to the WOM leadership who was faithful in following His leading to continue up until now.