A Day of Prayer

The adoption process can be very discouraging.  It can drive one crazy.  Each path to adoption is individual, yet it is so much better when you can find someone (or lots of someones) who are walking the road of adoption, too.

We know several families locally who are adopting, and we strive to encourage one another.  But we have also been led down different paths to adoption, and we are the only local family adopting from Haiti.  I feel blessed that when we went to Haiti, we met several other families who are adopting from Haiti.  However, we have also been able to connect with a group of families through social media who are adopting not only from Haiti, but from our same orphanage.  We can compare progress reports, encourage each other, grumble a little at times (oops) and pray for one another.  The process to and through Haiti is unlike any other, and there have been rumors of lots of changes recently.  There have been significant stalls in steps in recent months.  It has always been unclear as to how long the process will take for these beautiful children who have families waiting for them but are stuck somewhere in the process.  Haiti is a country where a "match" between an orphan and an adoptive family is made early in the process, but then there is a long wait until the two can be united as one family.

A week or two ago, one of the families in our group suggested that we pray as a group for each other and for the children and the process.  While we have each been doing this as individuals and as families, the suggestion was that we have a designated time of prayer and those who live near each other gather together for corporate prayer.  Tonight is the night!!!  There are several families in Kansas who are all adopting from this same orphanage who will be meeting together for prayer.  But there are also families in Virginia, Ohio, Indiana, Arizona, Tennessee and South Dakota (among others) who will be joining in from their homes.

We will be praying for the beautiful children who are waiting to join their families, and for the families who are waiting.  We all need God's strength to help us endure, to know when to push and to be patient when that is what is needed.  We will be praying that the process in Haiti will become smoother, while still ensuring that the children are protected and well cared for.  We are praying that the children will understand that the families who are adopting them have not abandoned them, and that we will come for them as soon as possible.  We are praying for the director and the staff at the orphanage where our children are living, for their ministry, their strength and encouragement.

I am so thankful that God designed this idea of adoption for those who are in need of a new family, but I am sad that it is needed, that so many families are broken, and so many children are in need.  And I am sad that the adoption process itself seems to be broken at times with delays, red tape and "good intentions" by organizations that intentionally impede the process in order to prevent a break in culture.

Will you join us today?  Will you join us every day?  We are told to "pray without ceasing" in 1 Thessalonians 5:17, and the adoption process has highlighted this need to me like nothing before in my life.  I used to wonder how it was possible to "pray without ceasing", but now I'm beginning to wonder how it is possible not to do so.  Our girls need our prayers.  They need someone in their corner, no matter what and no matter how long it is until we hug them again or until they are able to come live with us.

The girls at the orphanage

During our first bonding trip in January

Every Christian is called to help the orphan.  We may not all be called to open our homes, but we each can help the orphan through prayer.  So, as you read this, please take a moment to lift up the millions of orphans worldwide who are in need...and please say an extra prayer for the children of Haiti, and our girls in particular.

A Little More About Our Trip

The first day or two, while good, were also awkward.  We were in a foreign country that we had never visited, with two girls who will be our daughters, speaking a different language from them and several of the hotel staff for four days.  To say I was out of my comfort zone would be an understatement.  And while in theory I'd known that going in, the reality of it all felt very different from what I'd expected.  I think I expected an immediate bond.  While that is not logical or wisdom based, it is what we dreamers like to envision.

The first day and a half we did activities with the girls, but the connection wasn't there.  I was missing our biological children terribly and having second thoughts by the minute.  Even though pictures would show we were having fun, the true bond was not yet developing.  I missed being able to communicate with ease, both to express my thoughts to them and to understand what they were experiencing.

On day 2, "G" had her first fit.  She and "J" both wanted a Big Wheel bike that was at the pool.  "G" had it first and had ridden it, so we wanted her to give "J" a turn.  "G" wanted nothing to do with that idea.  "J" probably also said something to further irritate her little sister.  While we don't know because we cannot speak Creole, body language indicated that she did that often when a sibling battle would break out, so I would imagine it may have happened this time as well.

Anyway, "G" became angry and shut down.  I took her to a chair and pulled her into my lap and held her through the fit.  In time she began to snuggle in, and that was the beginning of a real bond.  She and I had several bumps throughout the next day, but every time it seemed to help our bond.  Unfortunately, it made it harder for me to make the time for "J", who was more easy going with us and less likely to seek our attention.  However, as the days passed, she became more outgoing and through it all she enjoyed doing activities with Roger.  Finally, on day 3 she let us know that she does speak some English and she was now open to asking us how to say words in English.  Up to that point she was only interested in teaching us words in Creole.

There were times on the trip that I seriously doubted we were doing the right thing for them.  Why take them away from all they have known?  Why not just send money so they could stay in Haiti and have their needs met.  I missed our biological children so much I ached, and at the same time we had children with us who were crying themselves to sleep the second night because they so obviously missed they orphanage and their friends.  And they've had so much change in their short, little lives.

But then I began to ponder what hope they would have if they remained.  Yes, in the orphanage they have far greater opportunities, far greater safety and needs that are met which could not be met in the village.  But their true hope probably cannot come from the orphanage.  Of course, their true hope can only come from Christ, but their temporal, earthly hopes cannot be fully met in an orphanage.  They have stated they desire to have a mom and a dad, they want to be part of a family.  But change is scary. I am so thankful for every bump we faced while in Haiti, because every emotional struggle I faced, every doubt and conflicted feeling will help me to better relate to what they will face as they transition to their new home and new family.  My experiences will have been minor in comparison, but it will help me to be more aware.

Lord, help me to be the mom to all 5 of our children that they each need, the mom that only You can make me to be.

There was a switch with our girls the 3rd evening when I realized it truly would be just as hard to leave them as it had been to leave our biological children, when I realized that in my heart "J" and "G" are my daughters, not just  two girls we were caring for.   And our final day together was so much smoother and more enjoyable as a result.

Lord, thank You for a bonding trip that truly bonded.  Please watch over and guard these wonderful girls.  Help them believe we love them and we will come back or them.  And please help this process to speed up for everyone!

Our last evening together.

My favorite.  I LOVE the expression on "G's" face and "J" being more snuggled up to me.

"G" is excited about her new bag and getting to go back to see her friends.  I'm not sure she realized we were leaving though, because there are lots of tears at the airport before she gets to go back to her friends.

A final photo at our hotel

Meeting our Beauties

Last month we were blessed with the opportunity to go to Haiti to meet the girls we are planning to adopt.  We were officially matched with them in early December only to find out a week later that the military had made plans to temporarily relocate Roger to a less desirable location...he was getting deployed.  We quickly contacted our agency to find out how this might impact our progress because there are papers that need to be filed in person in Haiti.

I cannot speak highly enough about our agency's response to this matter.  The director of the Haiti adoption program immediately offered us the opportunity to go to Haiti in order to meet the girls. We knew up front that we would not yet be able to file the paperwork because it wouldn't be ready.  But part of the paperwork is stating that we have met the girls and that we definitely desire to adopt them, so we needed to find a time that Roger could meet them before the deployment.

Plans were quickly made and summer clothing was located for the girls because we were asked to bring along anything the girls might need for the time we were visiting with them.  Finding summer clothes in January was no easy task.  In fact, next year instead of complaining that swimwear is in stores by January, I'm going to ask why they don't just keep it out year round.  We also brought along as many diapers and wipes as we could fit into our luggage in order to bless the orphanage.  Two amazing things happened as we prepared for our trip.  First, Roger's deployment was canceled just days before our trip (but our agency still said we were welcome to visit the girls) and we found out of a dire need for diapers.  So, God had made a way for us to be available to meet a concrete need in addition to the opportunity to begin bonding with our girls.

The experience in Haiti was, in some ways, beyond explanation.  It was exciting and unnerving; wonderful and terrible; happy and very, very sad.  The girls were brought to meet us at the airport.  We came out of a tiny yet chaotic international airport, across a bumpy, bustling parking area and suddenly the girls we had seen in pictures were right in front of us.  I honestly don't remember much of this moment.  I wish I could say it was etched in my memory, but even though I thought they might be there, it caught me off guard to have them standing in front of me.

Once we were in the car, we were offered the chance to go back to the orphanage or to go straight to our hotel with the girls.  We chose the orphanage, and I am so glad we did because it was our only opportunity on this trip to see first hand where our girls live.  Much of the drive to the orphanage was on bumpy but paved roads and the sites were not as dire as I had anticipated.  However, just before we arrived at the orphanage, we entered an area with more evidence of poverty and the road became one that was shockingly bumpy.  It may have been the roughest terrain I had ever experienced, and I grew up on a farm.  Thankfully we only had to travel about a quarter to half a mile through this rough terrain.

While at the orphanage we were able to see where our girls sleep, attend classes and live their day to day life.  They stuck with us like glue and seemed very happy to have us there.  We did later find out that the only question they had for us was whether we had brought them dolls.  Sadly we had not because we had sent them some at Christmas time, but I suspect those had already either been torn up from rough play or had become community property as we never saw them during our visit.

The orphanage was not the horror stories people hear.  It was on a large piece of land with a garden, a swing set, and a basketball court.  Each child appeared to have his/her own bed and there is running water for showers.  There is filtered water for drinking. This is vital in Haiti where much of the water is not safe for drinking.  There is a school which is not just for the children of the orphanage, but also for children in the community.  There is a brand new medical clinic which is almost finished.  The children are not being neglected and most were seen with smiles on their faces, and sadly, most probably don't even realize that their situations can get even better.  But as we found out during our time with our girls, before it gets really better, it will probably get very scary for them because they will have to leave what they know to find out what their future can hold.

Here are a few pictures from our first day...before things got unsettled and scary...and then beautiful again.

The girls insisted on sharing the pair of floaties, but they are so thin the floaties would not stay up on their arms.

 Enjoying the pool - it was freezing cold so they only lasted a little while, but they enjoyed it until they started to shiver.

One of my favorite pictures of her - she has such a beautiful smile.

Warming up after a chilly swim

  

Back in the room on our first day...everyone is happy with each other and all was going well.