Saying Goodbye and I Love You

We made a very hard, very sad decision this week.  After thirteen plus years together, we are planning for my cat's end of life this weekend.  I have pretty much done all of my married life with him.  Four weeks in, we brought him home and he was all mine right from the beginning.  He loved me and won me over from the moment I took him out of his cage in PetsMart.  He slept next to me, often choosing to be under my arm like a stuffed animal, for so many years.  Yet, somehow I didn't really seem to notice when it stopped.  I have rejoiced and seen it as a good sign when he returned to sleep with me for a couple of months this past fall, but he has stopped again.

This is the cat who was with me through my first of three miscarriages - the one I thought would kill me.  He was my "baby" before God gave me real babies to hold.  He was also the first pet to greet our oldest when we brought him home from the hospital and the pet most willing to accept every other animal that ever came into our home.  He just loved, even going so far as "adopting" the kittens as his own.

But he also was the most fun kitten and young cat I have ever had the pleasure to live with.  He used to love to watch The Spurs with us - he would bat at the basketball on the TV screen.  We had an aquarium screen saver that entertained him quite a bit as well, even if he could actually figure out where those fish went when they got to the end of the screen.  He was also known for pushing other cats into the shower - they would walk along the tub ledge and he would stalk their shadows and pounce on the shower curtain.  Taking a shower was not for the faint of heart in those days because one never knew when you might have to dodge a flying ball of wet fur and claws.

He used to sit in our bedroom window when I would leave the house.  I'd see him there when I pulled into the driveway.  Yet, without fail, he would be sitting at the front door as I walked in.  It seemed to be his goal to be the first to greet me.

For 3-4 years now we have been treating a thyroid disorder.  It is overactive to the point that he simply cannot keep weight on his body and now it seems to hurt him when I pet him past his head.  He no longer wants to be held and he cannot get comfortable on my lap.  He hasn't slept up in our bed in the past few months.  I hate to see him go, but he simply is not comfortable.  And yet, he still tries his best to follow me around and be near me when he's awake.

Lord, I thank You for this very special pet.  He has meant the world to me.  No other pet ever captured my heart the way he did, right from the start.  He has made me laugh and snuggled with me as I cried.  But now, as I cry, he rarely comes to sit with me, he almost never comes to sleep with us and he doesn't come quickly when I call his name.  


Lord, I thank You for peace in the midst of sadness and grief.  It is an unexpected and uncommon feeling for me.  I also thank You for helping me make the decision that needs to be made.  Decisions in general are sometimes hard for me - even easy ones or insignificant ones - and this one is neither easy nor insignificant.  It is sad and it is major, but I feel grown up for making it without taking it lightly or downplaying it.  Thank You for helping me to grieve and yet experience peace at the same time.  I trust You to bring our family through this, and I trust You to help me be the mother my children need as we pass through this valley of sadness.  Thank You Lord, just for being who You are and for loving me.
Amen.