A Special Time

I just had to say "no" to something.  It is so hard to say "no" to good things...especially when everyone just assumes you will say "yes."  To many observers who don't take the time to find out why I said "no", it will not make sense.  And saying "yes" would have been the easier path to take.

My daughter is joining American Heritage Girls this year.  When I turned in her paperwork, I let the leadership know that I want to attend with my daughter because this is going to be our special time.  The person I was speaking with threw up her hands in rejoicing...because my daughter's group has no leader yet.  I quickly said "no" about being the leader, which was accepted without argument.  But then the other person started talking about my being a "helper."  I was told I would be trained and it would be fine even though I had never before set foot in an AHG meeting.

I left that night being unsure of what to do.  On one hand, if I didn't help out, who would?  And would my daughter even have a group to attend?  But I had made her a promise...this time I would be all hers.  This would be our time and she would be my main focus.

She does not get this type of opportunity often, and she is growing up.  She's reaching an age where I need to focus more on training her and discipling her.  We need to build memories together that do not always include her brothers or involve my telling her to wait until I have finished helping another child in one of her other activities.

At this point, I volunteer in her AWANA program and in some of her Sunday morning kids' worship times.  I am also preparing to be an assistant teacher in her co-op class.  But I am not just there for her.  In fact, she has a brother in each of these times with her so even if I were only there for my children, she would still be sharing me.  But I'm not just there for my children.  I am there to serve and lead and assist with a group, and our children know that.

Even at home I am rarely able to give her undivided attention.  She  has an older brother on the autism spectrum, which means outside therapy appointments.  It also means that he needs some extra one-on-one instruction with his academics.  And she has a younger brother, who is simply the baby of the family.  As the baby is known to do, he just finds ways to get attention for himself.  So she is the only girl and the middle child, and she sometimes gets lost in the shuffle.

So, for now I have said "no."  I just hope my "no" can remain a "no" throughout this upcoming year.

Hannah Montana

Yesterday my daughter started talking about how she wished we had Hannah Montana available for her to watch because one of her neighborhood friends watches it.  I sort of remembered that I'd seen it available on Netflix, so when she was out of the house with her father, I sat down and watched my second ever episode of Miss Montana's TV show.

We'd been through this exact same experience 3 years ago when we still had the Disney channel and I'd decided to see if it was an appropriate show for her because lots of other girls her age were watching it with older siblings.

I could see why it's entertaining and how it would be appealing to young girls.  There are teenagers to look up to and to see into their day-to-day lives at school.  And the main character is also a rock star.  Disney had a great concept for getting the attention of the tweens and younger.  And it seems so clean, so it is probably accepted in lots of homes.

But both times the thing that struck me the most, and tipped the scales against the show in our home is that the teens are all kind of mean to each other.  There are the standard sibling insults, which is something that comes across as being funny.  But funny can hurt in real life.

And there are the obligatory "popular" girls who are mean to Miley and her best friend, and then Miley and her friend dish it back.  And it's supposed to be "funny" and "entertaining".  But we females really need to learn to build strong, supportive friendships.  We need to learn to encourage each other and build each other up.  And entertaining young girls by showing them females divided and tearing each other down to gain the attention of a boy or to make themselves feel good is not okay for our girl.

I told my daughter that I had listened to her request and had watched another episode to better judge the show, but that the answer is still "no".  I explained why and that God wants us to "think on things that are good, lovely and pure" (Phil 4:8) and that saying mean things about people in order to entertain is none of these things.

I thought she'd be upset and cry.  I told her that it's hard to make decisions like this because I want to give her what she wants, but sometimes I need to tell her "no" because it's not the best thing for her.  She handled it very well and simply requested that she have a chance to watch "a girly movie" sometime soon.  I told her I thought we should send the boys out to do some guy stuff and we could have a girly afternoon really soon.

I can't wait.

A Way Out

Today was not a day of good attitudes if you are a female and part of our family...well, the female cat may have been in a good mood.  But if she'd been made to interact with anyone else, she would have been cranky along with the other two of us.


The day started out pretty good, but Mondays are a very busy day, so it can quickly fall apart into times of irritation.  And I took 2 children to the grocery store...during school hours...which can lead to questioning and unpleasant looks from others in the store.  So perhaps I was primed for a grumpy moment.


The moment came when I went to resume our school for the day, and the darling middle child said "I don't like school.  It's no fun."  I was in no mood for this.  I wanted to yell.  I even wanted to curse, and I don't curse.  I don't even know why this set me off.  Sometimes I take these comments personally - maybe because I pour so much into my efforts at schooling our children, and it hurts when it isn't appreciated.  And this was even the fun part of the day that brought on the complaining.  But I know they need it, so I press on.  However, today was almost a breaking point.


Thankfully, God was faithful, just as His word says He will be.  In 1 Corinthians 10:13, we are told "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."


The way out today was to calmly tell my children I needed a moment to pray and as I prayed, He brought a song we recently learned to my mind.  "I will persevere.  I will never, never quit.  I will follow God and I will stick to it.  I will not give up, not one single little bit.  I will persevere."  


And then I was able to ask my boys to leave the room so my daughter and I could talk calmly.  I was able to remind her that while she may not always enjoy it, getting an education is important.  I was able to explain to her that words can hurt adults' feelings, too, and that we need to be more careful with our words.  And I was able to give her a hug and let her know that I love her, but I will still make her do her school work.


Thank You, God, for Your promise to provide a way out of the temptations.  Please, help me to remember to look for it every time I am tempted to give in to sin.

Mother of the Year Award

My younger two and I were in Target the other day, with the youngest catching a ride on the front of the shopping cart.  As I went to turn the cart around because my way was blocked, I almost ran him into the shelving along one of the aisles.  I commented to my daughter that I certainly would not win "the mother of the year" award if I did that.

"Is that a real award?", she wanted to know.  I told her that it's not but did ask her what she thought the qualifications for mother of the year should be.

"Well, it's a mother who doesn't yell at her kids or do things to upset them", she replied.

Hmmm, not yell at the kids.  I could go along with her on that one, but I admitted to both her and myself that it's been an area of struggle for me.  God's brought me a long way since I recognized my sin and the selfishness that was showing when I have yelled at them.  Of course, I had my excuses...they made me do it because they just wouldn't listen when I've been nice to them.  That was my favorite excuse.  Or "I've put up with a lot", I thought that was another good one.

Well, God has been softening my heart toward these children and the yelling has almost come to a complete and total stop.  But I've also realized that I need to daily say to God, "please take away any anger that stems from selfishness."  I also ask Him daily to give me kindness and gentleness toward my children...I don't pray for "patience", but so far kindness and gentleness have pretty much covered any infractions.

As for my daughter's second qualification for mother of the year...not doing anything to upset my children.  Well, that won't be happening because I need to raise godly, responsible,  kind and loving children which will mean upsetting them with things like chores, expectations and the discipline that goes along with these activities.  And discipline isn't fun in the moment, and it often upsets, but it's the type of upset that is for their benefit and the benefit of those who will have to live with them in the future.

So, I guess I won't be winning mother of the year.  But, I hope and I pray that I will one day hear "well done" from my Heavenly Father.  Both for allowing Him to change my heart and stop the yelling and for leaning on Him when I need the strength to be the mother my children need and not necessarily the one they want.