The first day and a half we did activities with the girls, but the connection wasn't there. I was missing our biological children terribly and having second thoughts by the minute. Even though pictures would show we were having fun, the true bond was not yet developing. I missed being able to communicate with ease, both to express my thoughts to them and to understand what they were experiencing.
On day 2, "G" had her first fit. She and "J" both wanted a Big Wheel bike that was at the pool. "G" had it first and had ridden it, so we wanted her to give "J" a turn. "G" wanted nothing to do with that idea. "J" probably also said something to further irritate her little sister. While we don't know because we cannot speak Creole, body language indicated that she did that often when a sibling battle would break out, so I would imagine it may have happened this time as well.
Anyway, "G" became angry and shut down. I took her to a chair and pulled her into my lap and held her through the fit. In time she began to snuggle in, and that was the beginning of a real bond. She and I had several bumps throughout the next day, but every time it seemed to help our bond. Unfortunately, it made it harder for me to make the time for "J", who was more easy going with us and less likely to seek our attention. However, as the days passed, she became more outgoing and through it all she enjoyed doing activities with Roger. Finally, on day 3 she let us know that she does speak some English and she was now open to asking us how to say words in English. Up to that point she was only interested in teaching us words in Creole.
There were times on the trip that I seriously doubted we were doing the right thing for them. Why take them away from all they have known? Why not just send money so they could stay in Haiti and have their needs met. I missed our biological children so much I ached, and at the same time we had children with us who were crying themselves to sleep the second night because they so obviously missed they orphanage and their friends. And they've had so much change in their short, little lives.
But then I began to ponder what hope they would have if they remained. Yes, in the orphanage they have far greater opportunities, far greater safety and needs that are met which could not be met in the village. But their true hope probably cannot come from the orphanage. Of course, their true hope can only come from Christ, but their temporal, earthly hopes cannot be fully met in an orphanage. They have stated they desire to have a mom and a dad, they want to be part of a family. But change is scary. I am so thankful for every bump we faced while in Haiti, because every emotional struggle I faced, every doubt and conflicted feeling will help me to better relate to what they will face as they transition to their new home and new family. My experiences will have been minor in comparison, but it will help me to be more aware.
Lord, help me to be the mom to all 5 of our children that they each need, the mom that only You can make me to be.
There was a switch with our girls the 3rd evening when I realized it truly would be just as hard to leave them as it had been to leave our biological children, when I realized that in my heart "J" and "G" are my daughters, not just two girls we were caring for. And our final day together was so much smoother and more enjoyable as a result.
Lord, thank You for a bonding trip that truly bonded. Please watch over and guard these wonderful girls. Help them believe we love them and we will come back or them. And please help this process to speed up for everyone!
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| Our last evening together. |
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| My favorite. I LOVE the expression on "G's" face and "J" being more snuggled up to me. |
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| "G" is excited about her new bag and getting to go back to see her friends. I'm not sure she realized we were leaving though, because there are lots of tears at the airport before she gets to go back to her friends. |
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| A final photo at our hotel |
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